– Oh, hi, babes!
Have you noticed that there is so much panic
about those darn kids hookin’ up
and havin’ crazy orgies?
Such an overreaction.
I mean, there was only like one orgy, two, tops!
Hookups are one of those things that people
kind of get yell-y about.
You should hook up, no, you shouldn’t hook up!
The way I see it, is that it’s pretty simple.
You’re into hooking up, cool.
If you’re not into hooking up, cool.
If hooking up is your thing,
then here are 10 tips from yours truly.
Number one, If you’re gonna hook up,
do it for the right reasons.
But Laci, what’re the right reasons?
Depends who you ask, but since you, I,
asked me, I think the right reason is that
you are into it, you like the idea,
and you wanna do it for yourself.
Some bad reasons would be to prove something
to your friends, you feel better about yourself,
or to get someone to like you.
Check in with yourself and be honest
about why you’re doing it.
Number two, do not hook up with jerks!
I don’t care how sexy they are!
People who are selfish, use other people
for sex, don’t give a shit about what happens to you,
people who see sexual encounters as some kind of,
like, scoreboard, bleh.
These are signs that they don’t respect you,
and jerks don’t deserve to be near your penis,
vagina, any hole, really.
Number three, don’t bring any expectations
of commitment into a hookup.
I have heard some sex-negative types say some weird things.
If you have sex, you’re gonna be attached to them forever!
Forever!
That is lies.
That said, sex can be a really intimate thing,
and if you already have feelings for someone, it can
make those feelings more intense.
Great if you both share those feelings,
not great if only one person has those feelings.
If you really like someone, get on the same page
with them first before you do sexy things.
Number four, consent!
Make sure the other person is into it.
Just ask them if they’re cool with what’s going on
and give them an option to say no.
Giving them the out is not gonna push someone away,
it’s just going to show that you respect them,
and that they can feel safe with you.
If they do back out, it’s because they weren’t
really ready for it in the first place.
Sexy things can not be forced.
‘Cause, you know, that’s rape or sexual assault.
Number five, bring the passion!
This is my favorite one.
Really be passionate in the moment with someone.
Pay attention to them, how their body’s responding.
Ask them, does this feel good, do you like that?
So that you can get in tune with their body.
You want them to look back the next day
and go, yeah, that was hot!
Not, wow, that was a trainwreck.
Number six, be safe.
Wrap it up, strap it down.
It really does only take one time to contract an STI,
so make sure you’ve got your back and everything
else covered, the risk is just not worth it.
Number seven, forget about Christmas and Hanukkah,
the season of giving is year-round, y’all!
Equal amounts of time can be spent on each
person’s pleasure, and if your partner’s being selfish,
be like, hey, so, it’s my turn next, right?
Number eight, be smart about alcohol.
We run into problems when people are intentionally
getting someone else drunk so that they can take
advantage of them, that’s creepy, predatory, rapey.
Remember, if someone’s too drunk to drive,
they’re too drunk to consent!
Another problem that comes up is when people feel like
they can’t be sexual if they’re not drinking.
Maybe they’re really uncomfortable or something,
and that’s something that should be addressed soberly
and not just masked and covered up with alcohol.
Number nine, embrace the awkward.
For me, it helps to accept my own awkwardness
rather than constantly trying to push it down and escape it.
It’s fine, so long as it’s not real discomfort or distress
that’s deep down in here and coming out as awkwardness.
And number ten, don’t let anyone slut-shame
you or prude-shame you.
There’re a lot of double standards when it comes to sex.
Here’s the thing, it’s your sex life.
I think we should all feel free to find
what truly makes us happy, what we enjoy,
so long as it’s safe and consensual, you do you.
OK, babes, that wraps it up.
I have a big announcement coming soon,
so keep an eye out.
Other than that, I’ll see you next time!
Stay safe, muah!